How to Keep Going When Your Marriage is Struggling
When your marriage is struggling, you can feel alone and defeated. After being with my husband for over 13 years and married for 12 years, I have encountered that feeling. I wish I could say that everything has always been perfect and we have it all figured out but the truth is we are a work in progress. We have had our fair share of struggles and we almost divorced on two occasions. This is nothing we are proud of but what we are proud of is the fact we were able to see it thru and are still together. One year ago at this time we were not even living together and today our marriage is better than ever and we have relocated several states away from family. When your marriage is struggling it seems like all hope is gone and there is no way to get to the other side. This doubt can make the struggles worse but there is hope for a happy, healthy marriage. These simple tips helped me thru some very dark and lonely times but I hope they will help you keep going while your marriage is struggling.
Simple Tips to Help When Your Marriage is Struggling
- Stop Keeping Score – This was one of the hardest things to do because we often feel hurt from things that have gone wrong in the past. However, when we stop looking at our marriage as a point system and focusing on the past,we can move forward and work on the present.
- Stop Trying to Change the Other Person – This can also be a difficult challenge because it is hard to accept the things we cannot change. Instead focus on changing how you respond to the things in the other person. This took a long time for me to accept but once I did, the things I thought needed changing weren’t so bad. Also once the other person doesn’t feel the pressure to change, they often work on the areas that needed to be changed.
- Cut Out the Non-Essentials/Clutter– Just like cleaning out a messy room makes you more productive, cleaning out the non -essential obligations that are cluttering your life leaves you more room to focus on restoring your marriage. Sometimes, it is also helpful to clean out the clutter in our home to help give us more breathing room. It is hard to relax and be happy when you are surrounded by piles of stuff with no meaning.
- Communicate About Everything – Often times when you have been married for a while, communication weakens. Time spent talking about our feelings and dreams are replaced with conversations about to do lists, work schedules and what is for dinner. This can leave one or both people feeling disconnected and alone. It is important to set time aside and talk about everything and anything. If it is hard to get started at first, make a list of topics to discuss and use it as a jumping point for conversation. Set aside time to talk and turn off all electronic devices so that each person is present and not distracted.
- Do Things the Other Person Likes – In the beginning of a relationship, we enjoy being with the other person so much that we do the things they like to do. However, as time goes on we often stop doing this so we can do the things we like to do and they can do theirs. By taking an interest in the things the other person likes, we are showing them we care and want to be with them.
- Focus on the Positives – When our marriage is struggling we often only see the bad. This puts a negative spin on anything that happens because it is hard to see the sun shining thru the clouds. When we put our focus on the positive aspects and the good things that are happening, the bad things seem to face in comparison.
We were not able to accomplish these on our own, we spent many hours in prayer. I also know of many people who were also praying for us. It is because of God’s grace and mercy that we have been able to overcome everything we faced and still do face. Prayer has become a vital component to our marriage and I strongly recommend seeking God’s guidance for your marriage.
Problems will arise in a marriage because no one is perfect. If you find yourself in a disagreement, these 10 simple tips on how to have a fair fight without hurting the other person will help you resolve conflict without damaging each other. 10 Tips on How To Fight Fair
I hope these tips are able to provide some inspiration to help you while your marriage is struggling or give you words of encouragement for someone is. If you have some tips that you found helped you thru a difficult time, we would love to hear about them in the comment section below.