10 Tips on How to Fight Fair
Getting in disagreements and/or arguments is a part of life. However, they don’t have to be damaging to the people involved. There are ways to work thru issues without the people involved being hurt. When my son was younger, we worked with him thru many issues. During those sessions we learned tips and tricks to help us resolve our conflicts and be heard without causing more harm. These tips on how to fight fair helped us learn to communicate in new ways and are still useful today in my marriage and when dealing with difficult people. So stop causing damage and repair your relationships with this tips on Tips on How to Fight Fair!
10 Tips on How to Fight Fair
It is important to establish these ground rules before a conflict arises so that everyone is already aware of how you will be handling conflicts.By using positive communication, the conflict will be resolved more quickly and without minimal damage to those involved. Sit down with your family and discuss these tips on how to fight fair so everyone knows what is to be expected.
- Remain Calm – It is important to not overact or let emotions cloud judgement in a difficult situation. When you remain calm it helps others to see your viewpoint and hear what you have to say. If you find yourself getting angry or feel that you may not be able to control yourself yourself, excuse yourself and take a “time-out.” Do something to help calm your feelings like taking a walk, deep breathing, or whatever activity helps.
- Express Feelings With Words, Not Actions – Speaking with someone directly and honestly about how you feel can be a very strong method of communication. Make sure to use feeling statements and listen to the words that the other person/people are saying also.
- Be Specific About What is Bothering You – Don’t make vague complaints but instead be direct about what the actual problem is. Beating around the bush only makes the conflict last longer and the resolution even farther away. If it is helpful, write the complaints down before hand so you can make sure you don’t get distracted by emotions.
- Deal With One Issue at a Time – Fully discuss each issue on its own and don’t start on a new topic until each one is resolved. This avoids throwing everything into “one pot” and letting it boil over while not allowing any issues to be resolved.
- Don’t Hit Below the Belt – Avoid attacking areas of personal sensitivity. This only creates distrust, anger and vulnerability among those involved. Remember to do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.
- Avoid Accusations – Accusing someone will only cause them to become defensive. They will put up walls and resolving issues will only become harder. Instead, express how the actions make you feel not what you think they are trying to do.
- Don’t Generalize – This goes back to being specific about what the problem actually is. Avoid using words like “never” or “always” because that is hardly ever the case.
- Avoid Make-Believe – Inventing a complaint or exaggerating about the problem, will prevent the real issues from being dealt with. When you stick with the facts and honest feelings, you help bring about the resolution.
- Don’t Stockpile Your Issues – It is easy when things are bothering us to keep them inside and not deal with them. This will only make matters worse because they will eventually build up to the point that you blow up. By dealing with issues when they are relevant this allows you to handle the problems more effectively.
- Don’t Stop Talking – When someone quits talking or responding while trying to resolve a conflict, frustration can result. Two-way communication is necessary for conflict resolution. If you don’t think you can talk without being angry, it is okay to take a “time-out.”
Several of these steps, mention the importance of taking a “time-out” if you find yourself getting angry or upset. It is important to remember that when you take a “time-out” it is just that a brief time away from the discussion. Set a specific time to sit back down and restart the conversation. Sometimes picking an new environment to continue the discussion can help both parties feel more comfortable.
If you continually use these tips on how to fight fair, you will soon find yourself using them without even realizing. They have greatly helped our family and have allowed us to avoid conflicts and arguments because we are able to effectively communicate when an issue arises.